I Will Always Remember

This is the 2ND memorial day since my wife and I lost Jamie. The first was very difficult for me and I just wanted it to come and go as fast as possible. I guess the saying time heals all wounds is partially true. Although I still have some tough days when I think of Jamie, they are a little more spread out than they were a year ago. I am not a big believer in coincidence, I think it is just Gods way of reminding us of his glory. This weekend Luke and Maddie and I spent all day Saturday at a traditional archery shoot in Ames Iowa, and had a great time. On Sunday we spent most of the day just hanging out at home goofing around with the girls. Luke turned on the t.v. and told me that my show was on. What I mean by "my show" is that 8 months ago I was taken on a dream hunt for Colorado elk on a show called Escape to the Wild. I was given this hunt because my wife had entered me into a contest about a year ago. The show wasn't just another show about hunting , it gave people an inside view of what my family and I had gone through just a few months earlier when we lost Jamie. To say the show was on memorial weekend is a coincidence.......I don't think so! It made me reflect on many things , like the hunt and the great time I had in Colorado. It also reminded of how I could not wait to get off work before, because I knew when I got home Jamie thought I was the greatest person in the world............I also remember the game we would play every morning , I would sit on my bed and get dressed for work and she would crawl in and "help". What I mean by help is she would take whatever article of clothing I laid on the bed and grab it and crawl off laughing as fast as she could. I was a little late to work several times because I didn't want the game to end either. I can still hear her infectious laugh and see her great big smile. These are a few things I will always remember. Today we pretty much lounged around the house watching t.v. and played. Cindy did her normal routine of housework and giving Becca her meds.............I can remember almost like it was yesterday , watching Cindy taking care of Jamie in the same way. She is the MOST remarkable women I have ever met, and I am so thankful to have her in my life. Although, I don't think there are any words I could say to her to describe how much she means to me , and how much I love her. She was like a beacon of light bringing me out of a very dark place I was in a year and a half ago. Don't get me wrong I still have my days when I become overwhelmed with emotion when I think of Jamie, but most of my memories are happy ones, like our trip to Disney World and the great time she had riding the roller coasters, and playing in grandma's sink at the hotel. Also I remember our camping trips and how much fun we would have staying up late around the camp fire, and fishing at the lake [Jamie gave the fish a kiss and clamped down with her lips and wouldn't let go]. These are the times I remember the most and hold onto . I try not to look back on her struggles, hospital stays, her infections , and I am sure her pain. I will always remember how much light she shined on our4 lives and how much of an impact she made on so many peoples lives. Jamie is a big reason why I am the husband and dad I am today, the rest of the credit I give to God. I know my life was changed forever on that early Saturday morning in September of 06 , adn now with the addition of two new children and Luke and Maddie getting older, I still look back on the road Cindy and I have travelled and I am thankful to God for giving us the precious gift of seven wonderful years with Jamie that I Will Always Remember. Jamie, daddy loves you.

The one that got away

As I mentioned in my profile, I am an avid outdoorsmen. Last night my son Luke and I went for an afternoon sit hunting turkey. The afternoon went very slowly, although we did see a lot of deer. We sat up an open green field hoping to catch the turkey returning in the afternoon to roost. Luke and I passed much of the time talking about numerous things and just enjoying the sounds and scenery of spring. When I go hunting or fishing, Luke is with me 99% of the time. I love seeing and sharing the experiences I have in the outdoor with him. In the times that we live in now it is harder and harder to have real one on one time with your kids, taking them fishing, camping, or hunting is a great way to have their undivided attention, and to reconnect . If you do this enough every once in a while you will have a cool story to tell others. We have so many stories I wouldn't know were to begin, but last nights hunt was about patience, strategy, and failure. Like I said we were set up on a green field and about an hour before dark we heard a Tom gobble a few ridges away form where we were. The tom was coming in from behind us to his roosting area. I knew we had picked the wrong spot to set up as soon as I heard the old long beards gobble. Luke looked at me seemingly knowing the same thing and said "Dad we have to move now!". So, that is what we did, we left our ground blind behind and headed into the timber in hopes of cutting off the bird before it was too late. Surprisingly we were able to move very quickly and quietly through the woods without being detected , even the deer in the field did not see or hear us. The two of us took turns calling and in a short time we were within 30 yards of the tom. He was walking on a ridge directly above us, Luke came up with idea for the two of us to separate a little. In what seemed to take forever , the tom decided to follow the trail that led past where I was set up, I thought to myself "Luke picked the wrong trail". Now, what this hunt even more difficult was the fact that Luke and I were hunting with our Bows. It is very hard to come to full draw on a turkey without them seeing you when your on the ground , not concealed in a blind. I was lucky enough to come to full draw, I settled my pin on the toms wing , and released my arrow. All I heard was a loud CRACK, I had shot the tree 10 yards away, and the tom ran off in a flurry. Don't get me wrong I was a little upset at myself for missing, but seeing the excitement in Luke's eyes was so cool. He summed it up best when we were walking out of the woods when he said"That is closest we have ever gotten to a tom with our bows". The word I focus on in what he said is "WE". Whether it be hunting , family life , or any other activities that you enjoy,......focus on the "WE" instead of the "I" it make will the memory so much more special when you have someone to share it with.

Olympian!!!

This past week was the Field day for the special needs children in many of the surrounding school districts. Many of the schools come to our town and compete . The really nice thing is the local college allows the use of their track for the event. I use the word "compete" very lightly". The children are of varying abilities so it is more like really cool recess. Becca had a blast, and so did her teacher and 1 on1 aid. It fills my heart with joy to see Becca being able to spread her wings and enjoy life like every child should. Cindy and I fell so blessed to be given such a special girl to love, and I wish everyone could feel the way I feel inside every time I see her smile. Many people tell us that it is great what we are doing for the girls, I ussually respond by telling them , that the girls have given me more than I will ever be able to give back. They have filled my heart with more joy than I could haver dreamed.

Adoption day with Becca, Cindy , Luke and Maddie, and myself

First Post

My name is Jason. I am a married father of four children. Although my wife and I planned on having 4 kids life has thrown us some serious hurdles in the process. It began almost 14 years ago when Cindy and I were married. We were surprised top find out the week of our wedding that we were expecting. Needless to say this was great news, just a little sooner than we had planned. We were overjoyed to welcome our son Luke into the world 8 1/2 months later. He was a great baby. Within 2 years our first daughter Madison was born and life was great. I had a good job, we bought our first home, and we could not have been happier. After a couple of years we decided to have another child. That is when God blessed us with our Angel Jamie. Although you are not supposed to compare one child to another, Cindy knew something was wrong with Jamie's development. She didn't progress like the other two had in their first year. She wasn't reaching the benchmarks that she was supposed to. After countless doctors appointments we were given a diagnosis that in basic terms said that Jamie's hole in the base of her skull was a little larger than normal. To say that we were scared to death is an understatement, but the surgeon that we saw explained how he would be able to fix the problem and Jamie would make a full recovery. As part of the protocol for the surgery the surgeon ordered a genetic test. The geneticist we saw told us it was merely a formality and he was sure everything would come back negative. Jamie's surgery went very well, but she did have to stay an extra week for recovery. Not long after we were all home settling back into our normal lives the geneticist called , and told us they had found an abnormality. That is when we found out the Jamie had Angelman Syndrome. The diagnosis answered so many questions for us, and to be truthful it was kind of nice to now know what we were facing. Angelman Syndrome, or otherwise known as" A S " is a rare genetic disorder involving a lot of times a deletion in the maternal 15th chromosome. Many children with A S have seizures and are developmentally delayed as was the case with Jamie. The one saving grace of the disorder is that the children are very happy and loving. Cindy tackled all of this head on learning as much about A S as possible. Many of Jamie's doctors joked that we knew more about A S than most doctors do. Don't get me wrong there were a lot of changes that had to made in our lives. Our house had to be super baby proofed and we soon became a single income household. We had to sacrifice many things in the following years, be it family vacations , new furniture, newer cars and many other things that we had always taken for granted. A few years ago Cindy and I decided to take foster and adoption classes in order to adopt a little girl with A S that was in the foster care system. Our decision to do this was met with many people asking us if we were going to be able to handle it. I think most people thought we were crazy. But, we pressed forward. To our dismay we were told that Becca was going to be placed with another adoptive family before we completed our classes. We decided to finish the classes anyway, not knowing what God had in store for us. Sadly a few weeks after we finished our classes Jamie collapsed at school and was taken to the hospital unconscious...................... 3 days later................ she passed away. I will never forget that morning for as long as I live. She slowly slipped away in Cindy's arms ...........What sticks in my mind is that it was dawn looking out the hospital window, and when Jamie took her last breaths it began to rain. That is the first time I had ever felt my heart break. I am not sure if it was knowing that I would never come home to her smiling face, or, if it was the pain I saw in my wife's eyes that moment. She gave everything she had to give Jamie the best , most normal life possible. Or, if it was the fact God gave us such a PURE soul to care for , and then took her away. But, to be truthful God and I had a serious problem. I am not sure exactly when it happened , but, one day I stopped being mad at God , and started thanking him for such a precious gift that he entrusted us with for 7 seven years. Many people will never know the the feeling of love that God gave us through Jamie. She is responsible for the person , husband , and father I am today. Strangely enough our adoption license came in the mail the day after Jamie's funeral. We just filed it away thinking we will never use it. The crazy thing is 6 months later we were contacted by Becca's worker letting us know the adoptive placement didn't work out. We talked to the two other kids and after a lot of discussion and prayer we decided as a family to go ahead with Becca's adoption. While going through this process we found out about another little girl with the same condition also in the foster system. To make a very long story short a year and a half later we have finalized the adoption of Becca and are 2-3 months away from finalizing on the second adoption. Thank you God