Five years ago today...I was kissing my little girl goodbye as she was being transported to the helipad, on her way to Iowa city.
Five years ago today ...I was riding in moms mustang, doing 80+ miles an hour trying to keep pace the best we could with the hospital helicopter.
Five years ago today....I arrived at the hospital to find Jamie hooked to more machines than I think I have ever seen............................then given the news from the doctor that her brain was swelling, and that was having several strokes. Cindy and I found a quiet place to pray....cry and hold each other , both knowing each others fears....
Five years ago today..... I saw my daughter fight a battle that she could not win........I saw pain in my moms eyes that still think of all the time..........
Five years ago today ......I realized I was not half as strong a man that I thought I was........and realized that my wife was the strongest person I know.......
Five years ago today........ Without saying a single word.....just by the look in my wife's eyes as we sat and prayed next to Jamie's hospital bed .......with our eyes locked on each others we both knew it was time to let her go........and let her last moments with us be with dignity, and love. No more poking and prodding, no more beeps of medical equipment . It was time to let her little body finally rest...........................
Five years ago today.......I watched Cindy rock Jamie for the last time as she slowly slipped away.........peacefully..........knowing how much we will always love her.
Five years ago today.......I questioned by relationship with God.
Five years ago today.......I realized doctors make mistakes.....
Five years ago today.......I questioned the whole idea of adoption
Five years ago today ......We had to leave Jamie at the hospital..............The long drive home was much slower, and quieter
Five years ago today......I had to get down on one knee, put my hands on my sons shoulders and tell him that Jamie was not coming home from the hospital......and that she died.....that is the hardest thing I have ever had to tell anyone.
As i am sure it is with most parents of a special needs child, especially parents of an Angelman syndrome child. The children become the center point of the family. Dinners , vacations , schedules, doctors visits you name it, is planned around the child and the child's needs, or limitations. Much the way the sun is the center of our solar system, and all the planets revolve around it, that was the case with us and Jamie. When our "sun" was taken from us our universe was destroyed.
Five years ago today....... I left a big piece of myself in that hospital room with Jamie........
Contrary to popular belief, you cannot replace sorrow with joy. We have had many joys since that terrible day....the adoption of Becca....the adoption of Kayla.....the adoption of Jack. My life is overflowing with joy and love right now, but the sadness and sorrow is just as strong today as it was "5 years ago today........."
This a link i made today in rememberance of Jamie............Love you pumpkin
